Once upon a time two scary lesbian bikers attacked me... This is a true story. They busted into my home after my sister’s idiot friend opened the door a crack to see who was there. Isn’t that what the peephole is for? Let’s just stop right here in the story and clear something up… There are people you open a door for and people you don’t. This is not a tough decision when faced with it. Here is a short list to help in decision making when looking through the peephole.
IT'S TOM CRUISE... BUT WAIT HE HAS SCIENTOLOGY BOOKS!!!
DO NOT OPEN!
NEVER OPEN FOR A CLOWN!
NO MATTER HOW FRIENDLY THEY LOOK.
No, No, No!
FOR GOODNESS SAKE YES! HELP THAT KITTEN!
LOCK ALL YOUR WINDOWS AND CALL 911!
Ok, I hope we cleared some things up. So where were we? Yes, the two leather vested women were busting into my house. They were after idiot girl who was hiding out from her boyfriend. She has bad taste in men. So she decides to run into my room and jump on me! What a great idea, run to the 17-year-old for protection. Now when I say she jumped on me I mean it… she ran in and leaped on my lap. So these women were attacking her while she was on top of me. Now this story is somewhat tragic but I still need to mention that these two women had matching mullets and to top it all off I swear they were calling each other Bert and Ernie!! Code names I’m guessing? Now If I were in a lesbian biker gang I think I would go with Boris and Natasha, but that’s just me.
This is a close likeness of the assailants except they had more facial hair.
Don't worry, It all ended happily. Idiot girl and her boyfriend reunited that next week. Apparently his good qualities out weighed his bad? Relationships are all about compromise and forgiveness. Who hasn't had to say "I'm sorry I hired those henchmen huni" I think we've all been there.